The Laws of Beekeeping By Len Heath

1. Beekeeping equipment has a mind of its own.
a) The tendency of the smoker to go out is directly proportional to the aggressiveness of the bees.
b) Sting proof gloves aren't
c) The probability of forgetting a vital piece of equipment is directly proportional to the distance of the apiary from home.
d) The likelihood of damaging a piece of equipment is directly proportional to its cost.

2. Swarming cannot be managed.
a) The incidence of swarming can only be reduced by keeping your eyes on the ground when approaching the apiary.
b) Only other people's bees swarm on to low branches.
c) A queen can be found easily only when there is no need to find her.
d) The difficulty of introducing a queen directly increases with her cost.
e) Swarming can only be prevented by keeping hens instead of bees.

3. The clerk of the weather dislikes beekeepers
a) There is a greater probability of rain on the day that you plan to go to the apiary than on any other day that week.
b) Whatever meteorologists think, thunderstorms are a direct consequence of putting on a veil and lighting a smoker.

4. Beekeeping cannot be taught
a) However many times it works on trial, it will fail in the demonstration; something else will go wrong.
b) Any explanation of a manipulation, which is presented so clearly that it cannot be misunderstood, will be.

And don't forget Murphy's law: Anything which can go wrong, will go wrong.

(from L&D; BKA courtesy of BEES)

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